Cards for Two (w/Tom Carradine)

Stella’s Hotel Suite
Gainesville, FL
Monday, August 12, 2024

Stella sat on the sofa, her legs stretched out along the length of it, one hand holding several white cards with “Cards Against Humanity” printed on the back. In front of her, spread out on the coffee table, are nine black cards. Sitting across from her in an armchair, her boyfriend Tom Carradine stared at his own hand of fanned-out white cards, cocking an eyebrow as he cast the occasional glance across the table. The spread of black cards in front of him were indicative of a dead heat with Stella. Off to the side, on one end of the coffee table, was a smaller spread of 6 black cards.

Stella: Your turn to draw the black card, Tommy.

She smirked as Tom reached from the stack of black cards in the center of the table. He leaned back in his chair as he scanned the words on the card. He snickered, then cleared his throat.

Tom: Blank… Good to the last drop.

Stella giggled, then perused through the cards in her hand. She selected one of them and placed it on the table, face down. Tom did the same, but then reached for the stack of white cards that stood beside the black stack, adding it to the collection of previously-played white cards.

Tom: Alright… your turn to shuffle.

Stella gathered the white cards in play, keeping them face down as she clenched her eyes shut. She shuffled the three cards, still with her eyes closed, whispering a ten-second count. As she reached 10, she opened her eyes, laying the cards out face down beside the black card that Tom had just read.

Tom: This is gonna be interesting...

He blindly tapped on one of the white cards and flipped it over to read it. Once he was finished, he shut his eyes and began to chuckle.

Tom: Oh, this is bad… A defective condom… good to the last drop.

Stella: From the look on your face, I can tell it’s not your draw.

Tom: Let me guess… yours?

Stella shook her head, then they both sighed in unison.

Stella and Tom: Rando wins again!

Stella: Ol’ Rando is slowly catching up to us.

Tom gathered up the cards and placed them in their respective discard piles, then pulled another white card to add to his hand. He scoffed, then muttered under his breath.

Tom: Of course...

Stella: You just drew a card that would’ve been perfect for that round?

He said nothing, only nodding his head.

Stella: Anyway, my turn to pull a black card.

She reached for the stack of black cards, pulling the top card and flipping it over. With a pout on her face, she slumped back against the armrest of the sofa.

Stella: Ugh… I hate two-fers...

She shook her head.

Stella: Blank is a slippery slope that leads to blank.

Tom picked two cards from his hand, then set them face down on top of each other. Stella followed, then pulled the top two cards from the white deck and added them to the rest of the cards.

Stella: I don’t know which part of playing a Pick 2 I hate more… trying to pick a pair that sound even remotely good together, or keeping the cards together while they’re being randomized.

Tom looked across the table as he carefully switched the three pairs of cards back and forth.

Tom: The answer is YES!

He finally stopped, his hand laying on the pair of cards in the middle.

Tom: This could be the game winner...

He flipped over the top card first and smirked. Stella could tell from the look on his face that he’d landed on his own pair of cards.

Tom: Licking things to claim them as my own is a slippery slope that leads to...

He flipped the second card, then smiled as he looked across the table into Stella’s eyes.

Tom: Saying “I love you.”

Stella blushed, an ear-to-ear smile spreading across her face.

Stella: Tommy...

He set the cards down, then stood up, walking over to the other side of the table. He held out his hand, which prompted Stella to get up.

Stella: Looks like you win...

Tom chuckled as he pulled Stella close.

Tom: You can say that again...

Stella looked up, wrapping her hand around the back of Tom’s head. She pulled him closer, then playfully licked the tip of his nose. He chuckled, then reached up to cup her face in his hands.

Tom: Slippery slope, indeed...

With that, he pulled Stella into a kiss.