Stella Against Humanity

Stomping Grounds Game Center
Gainesville, FL

We open with a shot of the interior of a local game shop, where several folding tables are spaced out in a corner of the back of the shop, each with enough seats for eight people. Most of the other tables are fully occupied, and the other gamers are well into various sessions ranging from Magic: The Gathering, Dungeons & Dragons, and a couple of Pokemon games. One particular table boasted seven empty chairs, with one chair occupied by Stella Basch. Sitting on the table to her left was a large black leather case with “Cards Against Humanity” embossed into the top. Stella herself greets the camera with her trademark smile, dressed for the occasion in a black t-shirt bearing the image of a rabbit, a panda and a fox, respectively clad as a mage, warrior, and ranger, the words “Game Night” printed in lavender gradient underneath.

Stella: There’s nothing I enjoy more than gathering my friends and family for a little bit of fun and wrongness, and what game embodies that wrongness more than “Cards Against Humanity,” am I right?

She reaches over and pats on the massive case, her smile growing even wider.

Stella: And this bad boy right here is chock full of over 2,000 cards, with plenty of room for even more, affording me and anyone with the Sacke (balls) to join in a nearly endless amount of combinations. And with a healthy collection of blanks, no two groups will EVER play the same game!

She pauses, as one of the players at the MtG table is eliminated from the game.

Stella: Ooh… looks like another one bites the dust in that game… only 4 left to go before there’s a winner. My money’s on the guy in the Deadpool shirt.

She begins to laugh, as EVERYONE at that table is wearing a Deadpool t-shirt, albeit in different styles. Hearing her laugh, they turn to look at her, and she unabashedly waves at them.

Stella: If my group doesn’t show up by the time you guys finish, how about I challenge the winner?

One guy, wearing a black Deadpool and Wolverine t-shirt stands up and laughs.

Guy: Yeah, right! Do you even know how to play?

Stella says nothing, but reaches down and pulls up a custom painted train case, popping it open to reveal several tiers worth of deck boxes. She gestures toward the case and smiles, never breaking eye contact.

Stella: Feeling froggy? Then jump! Otherwise, sit your ass down.

He sits back down, but not before turning beet red. Stella scoffs.

Stella: Anyway, let’s get back down to business, shall we?

She closes the train case and sets it back down on the floor.

Stella: Now, I love playing games; I’ve made that abundantly clear. Anyone that knows me knows that I’m a massive gamer geek, and I wear that title proudly! But speaking of titles...

The smile doesn’t leave her face, but her eyes narrow slightly as she sets her palms on the table, slowly pushing herself up from her seat.

Stella: There’s one title I’ve got my eye on right now, and that’s the Coastal Championship. Now, I’m not gonna lie; it sucked being eliminated from the Prestige Championship tournament in the first round, but seeing the guy that eliminated me – one of my coaches, at that – move on to the finals against yet another person I consider a mentor made me smile. And if I can accomplish HALF of what Aurora Graves has accomplished in her career, then I know I’ve done pretty well for myself in this sport.

She nods.

Stella: Of course, nothing worth going after is ever just as simple as reaching out and taking it. It has to be earned. And to be able to call myself the first FWP Coastal Champion, I’ve gotta outlast four other people to get there. And with the amount of talent coming into this match?

She shakes her head.

Stella: It’s gonna be the longest, toughest 20 minutes of my life.

She sits back down, laying the leather Cards Against Humanity case down with the embossed side up before popping the latches, pulling out a small stack of black cards, followed by a similarly-sized stack of white cards. She sets both stacks in front of her, then grabs a few from the top of each pile.

Stella: I opted to pull out a bunch of blank cards that I’d written on strictly for this occasion, so bear with me.

She turns over one of the black cards, then searches through the white cards for the appropriate option, a smirk etched onto her face.

Stella: I got 99 problems...

She finally finds the right white card, nodding before she places it beside the black one.

Stella: … but Owen Traeger ain’t one.

She giggles.

Stella: This is a guy that came in here, thinking his first match in FWP was going to be a cake walk… bragging about how Tom Carradine was gonna have a “bad night at the office.” Now, I’m not knocking his in-ring skills, but where did that arrogance get him? Oh yeah… that’s right. My boyfriend kicked his ass. And rather than learn from the experience, he tried to pretend it didn’t happen. Sore loser much, Owen?

She scoffs.

Stella: Anyway, you may not learn from your mistakes, but I do. And I will exploit the tiniest window of opportunity I can find and leave you flat on your ass with yet another embarrassing loss for you to try and sweep under the rug. Now, should you actually man up and learn a thing or two about underestimating your opponents, then kudos to you, but don’t expect me to be groveling at your feet.

She sneers, shaking her head.

Stella: Speaking of people that think one victory warrants a parade thrown in their honor, that brings me to you, Alexandria Duvall.

She leans back, the smirk having returned to her face. She pulls a second black card and looks it over, chuckling before looking back into the camera.

Stella: You know, normally I can’t stand playing on a Pick 2 card, but in this case, I’ll make an exception.

She glances back at the card, then sifts through the pile of white cards.

Stella: An international tribunal has found Alexandria Duvall guilty of being an obnoxious cunt.

She scoffs again as she stands up again, this time with enough momentum to send her chair scraping against the floor.

Stella: In defeat, you stamp your feet and whine about how the wrestler that won that match conducted himself. As if that mattered in the grand scheme of things! And who the hell are you to tell people how they should or shouldn’t promote themselves? Who died and made you the queen of everything? You see, it’s entitled little bitches like you that make me look forward to stepping into that ring, because it gives me a chance to Humpty Dumpty your ass off the pedestal you’ve built for yourself. You know, since in your mind, no one ever respected you enough. Here’s the thing. Respect is EARNED, not just given out simply because you have ONE tick in the win column. Oh… and might I add, a tainted one, Little Miss “Thumb to the Eye.” Here you are, only two matches into your time here at Florida Wrestling Prestige, and you’re up for the same championship opportunity that the rest of us are here for. But that’s about all I’m giving you credit for. After all, by your own admission, achievements outside of FWP don’t mean shit, right?

Stella shakes her head. At this point, the guys at the MtG table are looking back in her direction, their faces frozen in shock. Their game has come to a complete standstill as they fix their collective gaze on the fired-up blonde.

Stella: You want to call people sore losers, but you’re just as bad – if not worse – in victory as you are in defeat. You may have your sights on the FWP Coastal Championship, but the way I see it, there are one of two ways for me to win. Either I’m the one standing tall when those 20 minutes run out, or I go out of my way to make sure that YOU aren’t. Naturally, I’m aiming for the former, but I’ll be just as happy with the latter.

Stella clears her throat and sits back down, scooting her chair closer to the table. As soon as she meets the gaze of the guys at the MtG table, they quickly turn back around to resume their game, with the guy from earlier slumping further down into his seat.

Stella: Let’s move on. Next up we have Andrew Raynes. Here’s where it gets a little iffy for me. You see, I don’t know you all that well, so let’s see what’s in the cards for you, shall we?

She flips over the next black card and gives it a quick scan before searching through the white cards. She purses her lips and shrugs.

Stella: Hmm… Brought to you by Bud Light, the official beer of Andrew Raynes.

She looks into the camera, an apologetic smirk on her face.

Stella: Ya know? Sometimes, the cards just don’t line up right. I mean, I really don’t know what kind of beer you drink, nor does it really matter. The one thing I do know is that you do talk a good game, but you’re not as arrogant as some of the others on the roster, so good for you in that respect. Like Alexandria, you’ve got two FWP matches under your belt, and you’ve won both of them, so I know you’re coming into this match with a full head of steam and all of the momentum on your side. Despite that, you’re not coming into this mindset that you’re the freight train that’s just going to barrel on through the rest of the competition, so I’ll at least give you respect for that. But at the end of the day, you and three others are standing between me and the Coastal Championship, and I’m pretty good at breaking through barriers.

She reaches down beside her chair and pulls up a bottle of Smart Water. She takes a quick drink before closing it back up and setting it on the table.

Stella: And now… last, but certainly not least, is the Jukebox Hero himself, Griffin Hawkins...

She flips the final black card and rummages through the white cards to find one that fits. She looks at the cards on the table and chuckles before looking back up into the camera.

Stella: Say no to pants.

She starts to laugh, but quickly takes a deep breath and regains her focus.

Stella: Now if I was at home, or even in my hotel room, I’d be right on board with this idea. But this is one of those times when pants are a must. After all, there’s gonna be kids in the crowd.

She shrugs.

Stella: All kidding aside, this is huge for me. All my brother would ever talk about was how he’d love to get the chance to share a ring with you one day, whether it be across the ring or as a tag team. And there was a point in time where that actually could have happened, but alas, it never came to be. And now, I get to say I’ve done something on my big brother’s bucket list before he gets a chance to!

She gathers up the cards and organizes them back into their respective colors before putting them back in the case, but glances up and spots a familiar-looking (to her, at least) vehicle pulling into the parking lot in front of the store.

Stella: Seriously, I’m looking forward to this, because while there are a few things I do share with my brother – such as championship aspirations – it gives me a chance to show you and the rest of the world that while the last name may be the same as my brother’s, I’m a whole different type of animal. Sure, the drive to push myself to the best of my abilities and beyond is the same, but I know I’ve got to fight just a little bit harder… not to be just like my brother, but maybe even better than him. After all, what’s a little one-upsmanship between siblings, am I right?

She giggles.

Stella: I’ve sat under the learning tree of some of the best wrestlers to ever step through those ropes, and I’ve latched onto every bit of knowledge I could get my hands on from the young age of 15. Yeah, I’m still pretty new to this, and if you were to tell that mortified teenage girl in the sports shop all those years ago that I’d find myself in contention for a championship so soon after signing my first contract, I’d think you were crazy, but here we are. I’m taking the ball, and I’m running with it. And you bet your ass that I’m gonna do it…

She leans back in her chair and flashes the camera the familiar Basch smirk while she crosses her arms.

Stella: #LikeABasch!

She flashes one last smile along with a peace sign as the store’s front door opens. The camera pans around to find the newly crowned Prestige Champion Aurora Graves and her husband Damon. Following close behind the Graveses is Stella’s boyfriend, Tom Carradine.

Stella: Ah, good, you’re here! I could use some help shuffling all of these cards!

She pats the gargantuan leather case as the trio make their way through the store and the scene fades out.